I Tried Thinking Like A Sexist — And It Worked
If you can’t beat men, join them.
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Consider the oft-heard sentiment “if the Lehman Brothers had been the Lehman Sisters, the 2008 financial crisis would’ve been averted.” On one hand, you say that’s sexist; on the other hand, you’re thinking, “why would it be any different?”
The answer is pretty simple. Women, unlike men, show fewer displays of bluff and bravado. This is used to explain their lagged advancement; she’s too nice, she isn’t outspoken, and opts out too often.
Generally, our brains are less likely to try soft behaviors. But, according to research, being ‘soft’ can be used as a strategic tool.
Strangely enough, this can be applied to negotiations and business connections. For example, a client asked to lower my fees, and I immediately chose to opt-out. And recently, he offered to pay me more. Use this trick correctly, and it can prove useful for getting what you want.
But how is being sexist supposed to be a good thing? The phenomenon is called the “stereotype tax,” which is perceived to affect human behavior mid-discussion.
What Do You Mean “Like A Sexist”?
If the glass ceiling is going to be there, you might as well learn how to use sexism to your advantage.
You don’t have to be a sexist. You just listen to one.
When I decided to listen to a sexist, I noticed a surge in email responses, phone calls, and a rise in my credibility as a creator.
Feminists will criticize, “aren’t you promoting unhealthy attitudes?”
I disagree. See, we’re more nurturing. We’re better problem solvers without trying to be. We don’t have that macho thing that most men have. We want to get it done, and we want to get it done efficiently. I admire that about us.
Women have softer qualities that you often don’t find in men.
However, these qualities don’t shine in women because we’re told to adjust or fix ourselves and copy the paths of our male counterparts: be assertive, opt-in more, raise your voice. Be like a man.
Why Should Women Be Soft?
A 2015 interview features poker player Annie Duke, who used the “stereotype tax” in her final match against Phil Hellmuth. Sexism was part of the game.
For example, if she identified a player as a “disrespecting chauvinist,” she figured he didn’t think women could be creative, which allowed her to bluff successfully.
It was daring, and it worked.
This shows us why women should soften their actions. So what about the how?
In areas of business — like Zoom calls — listening, collaborating, and empathy are ways to be soft.
Below are three ways to negotiate “like a girl,” much like Duke.
1. Use silence to destabilize.
If you’re in a moment where someone is a bit too eager to prove themselves, use silence to stand up for yourself. Silence will destabilize them in seconds — they’re expecting words, and the lack of them causes people to fill the void.
Whether in negotiations, board meetings, or debates, people want to yell out anything that might allow them to shine, even if it’s at your expense.
But those who talk too much risk making careless mistakes, which can work to your advantage. Reserve your tongue for real solutions, and let the idiots talk.
2. Say “yes and” instead of “yes but.”
When you feel someone is challenging your opinion or trying to blame you, it’s easy to slip into defense mode. However, instead of pointing out how they’re wrong, acknowledge their opinion and open a dialogue for what you need.
Using the conjunction “and” will validate their thoughts and pave the way for your own needs, while saying “yes” conveys positive assurance.
It’s a powerful two-word expression that’s landed me in many contracts.
3. Refrain from interrupting.
Being a strong listener is a huge asset in business, but it takes special attention to tune into other people’s words when we’re nervous or excited.
Psychologists call this the “next-in-line effect.” We’re so focused on what we’re going to say next that we don’t consider what the other person is saying.
This happens all the time in negotiation. But by paying close attention, you may get important insight or be able to pick up on what’s not being said.
It’s crazy how soft qualities can influence a person’s demeanor. The only downside is that people can get condescending.
Although, it’s a large part of the actual point — that many people are inherently more willing to jump into a conversation where they can feel superior and smarter.
Final Recap of What To Do
- Use silence to destabilize (talking too much leads to careless mistakes).
- Say “yes and “ instead of “yes but” (this is valuable for all creators to use).
- Refrain from interrupting (the more you listen, the more focused you are).
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